Ask Amy: Friendship suddenly got serious | Star Tribune – Minneapolis Star Tribune
Dear Amy: I am a recent college grad, home (for now) and looking for full-time work. I’m looking to move somewhere new, make new friends and live my young adult life to its fullest.
While home, I have reconnected with an old friend/flame, “Toby.” He and I have been talking casually on and off for a little over a year.
When we didn’t see eye to eye in what we were looking for in a romantic partner, we decided to remain friends instead, something I am proud of.
Toby is leaving the country to attend grad school overseas, and I am sad to see him go. Leading up to his departure, we’ve been getting together for fun, casual activities.
Recently, I was invited over to his house, where we sat and talked all night about our friendship, relationship and individual goals for the future. In a moment of silence seemingly out of a movie, we locked eyes, and Toby very calmly said, “I love you.”
I was at a loss for words. This was not my goal for the evening, and he says it wasn’t his, either; he felt it in the moment and decided he should let me know.
I am feeling a lot of things: adored, yes, but also caught off guard and somewhat betrayed by our pact at friendship. Any advice for this sticky situation?
Amy says: “Toby” is leaving the country for the next many months. It makes sense that if there were ever a moment to express sincere love for someone, this would be it!
Is Toby expressing romantic love, friendship love, kinship love? It might be all three. Maybe it’s the somewhat grasping utterance of a guy whose ship is about to sail.
Or maybe it’s the moment-of-truth statement from a person who is seeing his own life with some clarity and wants to be honest with you, before you both start new phases of your lives.
You have the next few months to communicate with Toby about this. He has been honest, and you should be, too.
Dear Amy: Recently, I stayed at an RV park in a suburban area. The occupants of the house behind my RV have what I believe to be a day care business.
One day I heard quite a bit of yelling and, “Sit on the porch until I tell you to come in,” followed by the door slamming. Then for the next four hours I heard a small boy crying, whimpering and yowling.
It was awful and painful to witness. At the fourth hour, I called the Department of Children’s Services. Shortly after that, the child was screamed at some more and then brought inside I heard nothing else the rest of the day.
I left early the next morning, feeling like I let this poor child down. I have been wracked with guilt ever since. Should I have called the police? Or should I have gone over and said something?
Amy says: Recently I was walking through the parking lot at the mall and saw a dog whimpering and crying in a parked car. I went straight into mall security and reported it. Several other people were standing there, having reported the same thing. The mutual concern for this defenseless animal was impressive.
My point is that we all need to exercise the same level of alarm and concern for children as we do for a dog.
You did the right thing, but you could have placed the call much sooner. I assume that once you explained the situation, the operator at children’s services would have advised you whether to call the police.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson at [email protected]
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